I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.
My lover stands on golden sands and watches the ships.
Comment Like
1.
It hurts to be here. In every set of bed sheets, in the shadow of the steeple like a long black scar, in crumpled map in the glove compartment of your car, in the tobacco-brown work gloves in the shed, you can see his face. Everything you do is stained with his absence. Everything beautiful is a reason to cry, an excuse to languish, remember. Because your father can't see it. You want to escape all of this. But there is school, and there is your job, and your family that still lives, and your friends. You can't just leave. That's absurd.
2.
You don't even like him like that. Maybe he's got eyes the color of warm maple syrup, maybe his grin melts the ice inside of you, maybe his laugh is impossible and easy and bright and cajoles your own to come rumbling up out of your throat. But you don't like him like that. He's a nice guy, a good kid, but he has his weird side, his rough edges - once, he scaled the side of the library at school with a copy of "Slaughterhouse-Five" and proceeded to read quietly in the sunlight during Banned Books Week. Another time, at homecoming, he got into a fight with his sister's date from the year above because he found out the guy had been cheating the entire time they were together - you weren't there, but you heard about how he dunked the guy's head in the punch bowl, how he spat blood in the guy's face from several feet away as a couple of the teacher dragged him away. Adults like him, because he's smart and weirdly polite most of the time, but they keep an eye on him. No one knows what to make of him. Especially not you.
3.
He was the one who found your notebook, who read the first poem in the book about your dad. He was very respectful about it, though, gave it back to you ceremoniously on the last day of school when you were on the brink of tears and utter panic thinking about where it was. He told you, hey, next year, you should submit something to the paper. He says, this is beautiful stuff, really. And you said, yeah, maybe. He wants to know, why wouldn't you want to submit something? And you tell him, I don't want anything to do with this place. I don't want to commit to anything. And he sighs, and gives you this look, like he knows just who you are, like he would like to brush the hair away from your eyes. He says, I know how you feel. He makes you pinky-promise you will, as if he's six years old. You pinky-promise on it. Your fingers lock as if they were supposed to all along. You don't feel awkward or uncertain. You feel the flip side of the anxiety you usually feel - excitement. You share something. You allow yourself a few minutes to burn alive quietly with embarrassment that such a small gesture could mean so much to you. And you pray that he doesn't forget you.
4.
He disappears for the first two weeks of summer vacation, until suddenly he's back and has materialized on your front porch, his face young and full of promises like a canvas in the yellowy glow of the porch light. You can hear the grin in his voice, so close to your ear, as he hugs you tight and says, we should get out of here. And of course you say no. Where would you go? With what money? With him? You're not stupid. Vehemently no.
5.
You go back inside to an empty house. Your sister is out, your mom has been away on business for two days and hasn't called yet. You check the machine and a too-loud electronic voice tells you there are no messages. The silence that ensues that machine making those sounds is total. You fall asleep with the TV on.
6.
He comes back, the next morning. He tells you he has a full tank of gas, a little over $100, and a plan. He doesn't mention it but he has that grin, too. You go find your shoes.
7.
You get some sun on your face, some wind in your hair. He drives fast - a little too fast, maybe. You decide not to think about it. Your mother told you before she left that you should take good care of yourself. When you look over at him, and he's singing along to a song on one of his many infinitely scratched CDs, and your town becomes doll-tiny in the side view mirrors, you feel like you are taking care of yourself.
8.
It's only when you get your first glimpse of the bay that you start to feel like you've done something terrible and impossible to undo and magnificent. This is your moment to be the rebellious daughter, the bad daughter. This your moment to be the girl he took with him. The water is sparkling like mad - it looks like magic, a page torn out of a fairy tale book, the opposite of real life. You share a fish taco at a bungalow bar kind of place near the marina, with dollar bills that say "BONER" on them with names and spring break dates drunkenly scrawled in Sharpie. He's paid for your food and still has $100 left. You start to feel uneasy, can barely eat. He can tell, and takes a one dollar bill from his wallet and folds it painstakingly into a butterfly, wings outstretched. It looks like it's in mid-flight. It makes you smile. You can relax.
(MORE TO COME BUT IT IS LATE AND I AM TIRED. I will finish this. If you're reading this, I love you. On a real-ass note)
It hurts to be here. In every set of bed sheets, in the shadow of the steeple like a long black scar, in crumpled map in the glove compartment of your car, in the tobacco-brown work gloves in the shed, you can see his face. Everything you do is stained with his absence. Everything beautiful is a reason to cry, an excuse to languish, remember. Because your father can't see it. You want to escape all of this. But there is school, and there is your job, and your family that still lives, and your friends. You can't just leave. That's absurd.
2.
You don't even like him like that. Maybe he's got eyes the color of warm maple syrup, maybe his grin melts the ice inside of you, maybe his laugh is impossible and easy and bright and cajoles your own to come rumbling up out of your throat. But you don't like him like that. He's a nice guy, a good kid, but he has his weird side, his rough edges - once, he scaled the side of the library at school with a copy of "Slaughterhouse-Five" and proceeded to read quietly in the sunlight during Banned Books Week. Another time, at homecoming, he got into a fight with his sister's date from the year above because he found out the guy had been cheating the entire time they were together - you weren't there, but you heard about how he dunked the guy's head in the punch bowl, how he spat blood in the guy's face from several feet away as a couple of the teacher dragged him away. Adults like him, because he's smart and weirdly polite most of the time, but they keep an eye on him. No one knows what to make of him. Especially not you.
3.
He was the one who found your notebook, who read the first poem in the book about your dad. He was very respectful about it, though, gave it back to you ceremoniously on the last day of school when you were on the brink of tears and utter panic thinking about where it was. He told you, hey, next year, you should submit something to the paper. He says, this is beautiful stuff, really. And you said, yeah, maybe. He wants to know, why wouldn't you want to submit something? And you tell him, I don't want anything to do with this place. I don't want to commit to anything. And he sighs, and gives you this look, like he knows just who you are, like he would like to brush the hair away from your eyes. He says, I know how you feel. He makes you pinky-promise you will, as if he's six years old. You pinky-promise on it. Your fingers lock as if they were supposed to all along. You don't feel awkward or uncertain. You feel the flip side of the anxiety you usually feel - excitement. You share something. You allow yourself a few minutes to burn alive quietly with embarrassment that such a small gesture could mean so much to you. And you pray that he doesn't forget you.
4.
He disappears for the first two weeks of summer vacation, until suddenly he's back and has materialized on your front porch, his face young and full of promises like a canvas in the yellowy glow of the porch light. You can hear the grin in his voice, so close to your ear, as he hugs you tight and says, we should get out of here. And of course you say no. Where would you go? With what money? With him? You're not stupid. Vehemently no.
5.
You go back inside to an empty house. Your sister is out, your mom has been away on business for two days and hasn't called yet. You check the machine and a too-loud electronic voice tells you there are no messages. The silence that ensues that machine making those sounds is total. You fall asleep with the TV on.
6.
He comes back, the next morning. He tells you he has a full tank of gas, a little over $100, and a plan. He doesn't mention it but he has that grin, too. You go find your shoes.
7.
You get some sun on your face, some wind in your hair. He drives fast - a little too fast, maybe. You decide not to think about it. Your mother told you before she left that you should take good care of yourself. When you look over at him, and he's singing along to a song on one of his many infinitely scratched CDs, and your town becomes doll-tiny in the side view mirrors, you feel like you are taking care of yourself.
8.
It's only when you get your first glimpse of the bay that you start to feel like you've done something terrible and impossible to undo and magnificent. This is your moment to be the rebellious daughter, the bad daughter. This your moment to be the girl he took with him. The water is sparkling like mad - it looks like magic, a page torn out of a fairy tale book, the opposite of real life. You share a fish taco at a bungalow bar kind of place near the marina, with dollar bills that say "BONER" on them with names and spring break dates drunkenly scrawled in Sharpie. He's paid for your food and still has $100 left. You start to feel uneasy, can barely eat. He can tell, and takes a one dollar bill from his wallet and folds it painstakingly into a butterfly, wings outstretched. It looks like it's in mid-flight. It makes you smile. You can relax.
(MORE TO COME BUT IT IS LATE AND I AM TIRED. I will finish this. If you're reading this, I love you. On a real-ass note)
Comment 14 likes
Tagged by the beautiful @imtheonetoforget 37-ish years ago. :)
Also, hey, if you would like to join a group I am a person who has a group: http://www.polyvore.com/this_is_where_you_belong/group.show?id=145052
Rule 1: Always post the rules.
Rule 2: Answer the questions the person who tagged you has written and write eleven new ones.
Rule 3: Tag eleven new people.
Can do, will do.
1. What song makes you happy?
Diane Young by Vampire Weekend!
2. Would you consider choosing money over love?
No. When I was homeschooled my family went through some rough financial circumstances and it was their love that made my life full. Money makes life easy, but love makes it full.
3. What character trait makes a person worth your time?
Sensitivity, trustworthiness, humility, hunger to learn. Someone acting like they know everything already is a huge turn-off.
4. Does everything happen for a reason/do you believe in karma?
I don't think every thing happens for a reason, honestly. Some things do, but not every thing. I do believe in karma, though.
5. Can we change the world?
Who exactly is "we?" If you mean anyone, yes. I believe everyone has the ability to change the world, or at least their corner of it.
6. Do you feel accomplished today?
Not particularly. I had a lazy day because I didn't have to go to school or work and I'm sick and injured from a cycling accident.
7. Do you procrastinate a lot?
My official title is ~*Queen of Procrastination and Related Afflictions of Laziness and/or Egregiously Displaced Perfectionism*~
8. What band/musician would you really like to see live (even if they're broken up or dead)?
I would love to see Judee Sill perform live, although she sadly passed away in 1975. I've seen sweet Sufjan Stevens perform live once but I would love to see him again.
9. Do you believe in marriage?
I do. For all people.
10. Have you broken a promise before?
Yes. Although, thankfully, it's never been over something too dire - I've just promised I would do something and then forgot or got lazy. That kind of thing.
11. Do looks matter in a relationship?
Honestly - and I've seen this happen a million times - I don't think you necessarily have to find someone attractive straight out of the gate, you know? When you discover how beautiful and interesting a person is, and you fall in love with them, they become the most handsome guy in the world or the most beautiful girl in the world. Someone being awesome on the inside makes them attractive on the outside. It sounds hackneyed and corny, but I believe that.
I tag:
@finalform
@light-thematch
@hellnokitty
@howlingatthemoon
@perfect-n0stalgia
@kuraaa
@fffreaky
@nawa
@shellebelle
@cj-orchard
@tiger-lillyyy
Here are the questions:
1. How important is school to you?
2. Are you close to your family? How do you feel about having a family of your own?
3. Is there a book, movie, or musician/band that changed your life?
4. Your favorite season in the year and why?
5. Have you ever been in love?
6. Tea or coffee?
7. Something that can cheer you up without fail?
8. What do you think about sex before marriage?
9. Are you a spiritual person?
10. If you could go anywhere in the world right this moment, where would you go and why?
11. Excuse me, ma'am, have you accepted Sufjan Stevens as your lord and savior?
It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts.
Also, hey, if you would like to join a group I am a person who has a group: http://www.polyvore.com/this_is_where_you_belong/group.show?id=145052
Rule 1: Always post the rules.
Rule 2: Answer the questions the person who tagged you has written and write eleven new ones.
Rule 3: Tag eleven new people.
Can do, will do.
1. What song makes you happy?
Diane Young by Vampire Weekend!
2. Would you consider choosing money over love?
No. When I was homeschooled my family went through some rough financial circumstances and it was their love that made my life full. Money makes life easy, but love makes it full.
3. What character trait makes a person worth your time?
Sensitivity, trustworthiness, humility, hunger to learn. Someone acting like they know everything already is a huge turn-off.
4. Does everything happen for a reason/do you believe in karma?
I don't think every thing happens for a reason, honestly. Some things do, but not every thing. I do believe in karma, though.
5. Can we change the world?
Who exactly is "we?" If you mean anyone, yes. I believe everyone has the ability to change the world, or at least their corner of it.
6. Do you feel accomplished today?
Not particularly. I had a lazy day because I didn't have to go to school or work and I'm sick and injured from a cycling accident.
7. Do you procrastinate a lot?
My official title is ~*Queen of Procrastination and Related Afflictions of Laziness and/or Egregiously Displaced Perfectionism*~
8. What band/musician would you really like to see live (even if they're broken up or dead)?
I would love to see Judee Sill perform live, although she sadly passed away in 1975. I've seen sweet Sufjan Stevens perform live once but I would love to see him again.
9. Do you believe in marriage?
I do. For all people.
10. Have you broken a promise before?
Yes. Although, thankfully, it's never been over something too dire - I've just promised I would do something and then forgot or got lazy. That kind of thing.
11. Do looks matter in a relationship?
Honestly - and I've seen this happen a million times - I don't think you necessarily have to find someone attractive straight out of the gate, you know? When you discover how beautiful and interesting a person is, and you fall in love with them, they become the most handsome guy in the world or the most beautiful girl in the world. Someone being awesome on the inside makes them attractive on the outside. It sounds hackneyed and corny, but I believe that.
I tag:
@finalform
@light-thematch
@hellnokitty
@howlingatthemoon
@perfect-n0stalgia
@kuraaa
@fffreaky
@nawa
@shellebelle
@cj-orchard
@tiger-lillyyy
Here are the questions:
1. How important is school to you?
2. Are you close to your family? How do you feel about having a family of your own?
3. Is there a book, movie, or musician/band that changed your life?
4. Your favorite season in the year and why?
5. Have you ever been in love?
6. Tea or coffee?
7. Something that can cheer you up without fail?
8. What do you think about sex before marriage?
9. Are you a spiritual person?
10. If you could go anywhere in the world right this moment, where would you go and why?
11. Excuse me, ma'am, have you accepted Sufjan Stevens as your lord and savior?
It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts.
Two comments 25 likes
You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free
<3
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free
<3
Comment 6 likes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mDxcDjg9P4
♥ ♥
me: *tries new things*
me: *is overcome with fear and self-doubt*
me: *retreats to room never to be heard from again*
♥ ♥
me: *tries new things*
me: *is overcome with fear and self-doubt*
me: *retreats to room never to be heard from again*
Two comments 3 likes
STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND GO LISTEN TO THIS SONG. You're my crystal and clover.
Spring is here. I can see the road before me so empty and black and waiting for the story of my tires' tracks, I can see the bay gleaming darkly in the distance, I can taste the salty air, I can feel the quiet, I can feel the sun, I can feel the water rocking me gently in the kayak.
2 weeks.
Spring is here. I can see the road before me so empty and black and waiting for the story of my tires' tracks, I can see the bay gleaming darkly in the distance, I can taste the salty air, I can feel the quiet, I can feel the sun, I can feel the water rocking me gently in the kayak.
2 weeks.
4 comments 7 likes
I want twelve solid hours of sleep, a cup of coffee, a new dress, a moment of stillness and silence, a hot white beach sun like the watchful eye of a nurse looking down on me, and a kiss. I want to get better, love more. I want peace.
Comment 6 likes
"You're like a hipster Laura Ingalls Wilder." - my friend Sarah
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